Having decided to take better care of myself and my health recently, I have had time to re-evaluate my thoughts and decisions. I’ve asked myself if I wish that things had been done differently. As always I had no desire to turn back the clock and change things, but I wanted to really dig into why. Here is what I came to:

“Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.”
-Robert Heinlein

Even though I wound up paying for it, and even though I may not have gotten the end result I was looking for, I had priceless learning and experience. This wasn’t some pre-packaged, sanitized, game-with-cheat-codes-on, this was me stepping up to the plate and taking a big swing.

This is something which I hadn’t really done in a while. It’s the tendency of all of us to stay within areas that are more-or-less safe. Even the risks we take are usually planned out and carefully managed. That’s not to say that we should be jumping off bridges every day, but my point is that few of us actually take a serious step beyond those boundaries that we build. We’re safe there, we know what to expect, and how the story goes.

I have been given a rare and precious gift: I’ve actually over the course of the last little while moved outside my old boundaries somewhat. Of course, I’m not “free” of them – they’re as necessary a tool as your skin. However, being able to move beyond those boundaries is vital if you actually want to breathe with life instead of being a cog in the machine. I’m not just talking about work, here, either: You can let gravity bring you down until all you think about is the area of ground ahead of your feet that you’re looking at. You can stay that way all of your days. Alternately, you can take a chance and look up. You might stumble, or you might see a beautiful sky, or a work of art that captures your attention, or a case of need that you can fill.

Take a chance on yourself and take a chance with the world. At the very least, you’ll be able to say you’ve done it. If it’s still not for you, then you can go back to staring at the ground, but you’ll still be the richer for the experience.

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I have been pursuing many different things recently. One thing has been my meditation practice. I’ve been looking to get certain results from my meditation beyond relaxation and such. I fancy myself something of an explorer, and I wanted to use my meditative practice as part of that.

I have been following a specific path for so long, that it took an outside view to really make me aware that I was completely missing what I was looking for. I had been so focused, so intent, on the process, that I was unable to accept the result. I had quieted my mind to hear, but still I wasn’t listening.

The equivalent is if you are standing in the woods and you’re listening for a specific bird. You may be focusing on standing still. You may be trying to make your breath as quiet as possible, You may be trying to be as unobtrusive as possible so as not to scare the wildlife around you. However, if you are consumed with these thoughts, you will never actually listen to hear the birdsong.

Quite often, in our mad rush to accomplish, to get and to have, we don’t recognize that most of what we want, we pretty much already have. In the Sedona method, you learn to let go of the sense of lack. In the process you find that you have more of what you thought you were lacking than you ever imagined. Take the time to remember what you truly have and who you are. You are a uniquely gifted individual. Don’t throw those gifts aside because they don’t appear the way you expect.

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I must admit, it’s been tough getting back in the groove here at Technology for Living. First, there was the future-posts. That instigated a micro-burnout in-and-of itself. The craziness and absence of the habit of writing put more distance between myself and this, which has been my passion for quite some time now.

When I realized that there was more going on than just being a little tired and rusty, I knew that I had to haul it out and have a look at it. What I found was interesting.

There was a part of me that liked having a little extra time to do absolutely nothing. There was a part of me that was remorseful that the quality of this blog has been sub-par. There was a part of me that still had a bad taste in its mouth from my frenzied writing spree. A large part of me is simply tired of the fight. Tired of trying to mediate all these disparate elements. Tired of the struggle to be the best I can possibly be.

When that part of me has had its say, another part of me quietly comes to its feet. It speaks of the exhilaration and joy that this blog has brought me, from the beginning up through today. It reminds me that I’m not simply doing this blog for personal gratification. I am an active agent of the Force (or Divine Will, God, The Is, you name it). To give over to whining and fussing about a few bumps in the road would not only cheapen what I do, it would be tantamount to betrayal both of myself and of my purpose. Why do I keep fighting? I do so because while the path may become difficult, to leave it would be unthinkable.

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As I was writing the post yesterday (and afterward) I was thinking of the interesting phenomena that seem to surround me. Is the fact that I keep running into self-development material a form of manifestation, or am I creating connections where there otherwise wouldn’t be? Or is this a “chicken and egg” scenario?

My only conclusion (like so often) is “some from column A and some from column B”. Ask any expert in any field what they see in a situation and they’ll tell you what they see in terms of their expertise. I’ve touched on this before when dealing with the mental filters.

On the other hand, when you really get clear and spend a lot of time and thought on a topic, it seems to “crawl out of the woodwork” at times and presents you with new outside variables and data that you hadn’t expected or (in some cases) even considered.

As you get clear on who you are and start gravitating towards your purpose (or decide what it’s going to be – same result in my opinion), you’ll find that what you are looking for will start to come to you. Not in the way you expect, and not in a way you can predict and control, but in ways that will keep you thinking and keep you guessing.

By the same token, doing so starts to build a momentum of its own. Now that I am starting to see development lessons around me no matter where I go I have to remember to stop and try out other mental filters and see how things fit. Looking at a situation from different mental angles is an important skill, and not one that should be overlooked. I recently made a grim but important decision to make a big change in my life soon. Don’t worry; the blog should be unaffected. The very next day after I made that decision, I was presented with reasons (rather compelling ones) to alter my stance. Immediately, I started checking out what was going on inside. Is this some kind of test or could it be viewed that way? What does this say about me, that I was willing to make this decision without anticipating these compelling reasons? Which one is more “me”? Which one offers the greatest opportunity for growth? The questions went on and on.

After I had worked in that mode for a while, I “switched hats” so-to-speak and tried a different mental filter. I came in with an approximation of a beginner’s mind (the naive mind), and I realized that I had been creating an either-or choice where one didn’t really exist. I can handle both directions at once because neither really interferes with the other.

I tried out a few more filters: The pragmatist, the “devil’s advocate”, the loyalist, the rebel, and so on. Each had something to contribute, but the one that offered the most was the naive mind. Getting my mind of the single-focus mode of making a yes-no decision in the name of development and growth, I realize that I can walk a middle path and probably wind up growing just as much if not more.

Coming back to one of my repeating themes: Technology is great, but its purpose is to serve you, not the other way around. Focusing on your objectives is good. Keeping your thoughts focused on the end result is good, but take the time to step back and re-evaluate the situation from time-to-time. You’ll find that adding in some balance fuels your focus even more.

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The comment graciously left by Evan inspired me to share a moment where I ran full-force into some of my own values. I found that while a way of doing things may work for some people, it certainly didn’t work for me. Grab some popcorn and watch another one of those delightfully named “learning experiences”

A business opportunity.

I was a young man, about 19 or so when a relative called me up and expressed her excitement over a business venture. The exact details of the business aren’t really important, but the fact that I stood to make a decently large amount of money working with her and her partner seemed like an attractive idea. The business plan seemed solid, and it seemed to be filling a genuine need for people.

I decided to take the chance and go for it. I felt some butterflies in my stomach and what I now recognize to be various signs of resistance, but at the time I was only dimly aware of their meaning. Everything seemed to be good.

At first, it was exciting. I was learning more and more about how the business worked, and seeing different ways of doing things. The problem that I kept having was that the direction of the business wasn’t in the direction of helping people, as I had thought. Most of it was not about providing value, but simply to get potential customers to “sign on the dotted line” and then move on to the next one.

As I was coming to this understanding, I was facing increasing levels of resistance. I felt like I was in a whirlwind that I couldn’t comprehend. I decided to go quiet and listen to the meaning behind the words of my relative and her partner. The more I listened, the more sick-to-my-stomach I felt.

An opportunity for growth.

As I realized that the people I were with were not about helping people, but only trying to harvest money, I found that I had a choice to make. I could deliberately re-shape my thinking and accept their ways of doing things. I knew I could do this, as I had done it before, just not to that extreme. However, a change that drastic would not necessarily succeed. Even if such a shift were successful or not, there would be unpleasant ripples from that down the line.

On the other hand, I could make a stand for who I believed myself to be and pull out while I had the chance. It wouldn’t be pretty, or glamorous or triumphant, but I would be true to myself. Then again, could this just be the resistance talking? Remember that I was dimly aware of my self-sabotaging tendencies at the time, and I thought that perhaps I was just tricking myself out of a valid opportunity.

The decision point.

I knew that I simply had to do something. I set aside some time, and got in touch with myself and my guides. (For reference, these events happened not terribly long after my life fell apart.) I started noticing that I didn’t like the way I felt in connection with that business. This was further clarified with a one-line lightning bolt of advice from my new friend (and later Reiki teacher) Nanette. I decided to try bringing myself up to a more energetic and balanced inner state and then see how things settled.

Often I find that the big decisions are not really about what you decide, but how. This makes me think back to the best math and programming teachers I ever had. They weren’t interested in the final answer. They were more interested in how you got there. As I worked from the inside out and really clarified what I wanted I gradually became aware that I could drop that business in a heartbeat.

The supposed opportunity may be there, but not for who I am. I realized that if I want to produce an abundant life and help people, then I can do that. I’m not limited to one avenue. I can make it happen with them or without them. That being the case, I would rather remain who I am and move forward.

The result.

I must say that it’s working surprisingly well. This relatively minor turning point in my life has led to many benefits, tangible and not. The greatest is that I know that I can’t be so easily bought. I had the chance to cash in my values and principles, and I didn’t. Does that mean my challenges are at an end? Can I now let myself freeze into a comfortable but unchanging mental state? Goodness no! I know that I have to keep moving and learning. But I also know that I am made of stronger stuff than I knew before.

A blooper? Yes. A big one, as a matter of fact. But, like all the scars on my body (not that many, thank goodness ) I can say that it served an important lesson that I cherish to this day. Don’t disrespect knives, don’t wiggle too much when riding a motorcycle, don’t sacrifice who you are. Bill Shakespeare said it better than I, so I’ll let him do it for me:

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

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Winter solstice. The end of the solar year, and the beginning of the new one. As I look back, it’s been a very interesting and very busy year. This next one is going to be even more so

A while back I participated in a blog meme that asked where your edge is. I decided to use that and share with you how I have been progressing.

Letting go.

I have had greater-than-anticipated results in letting go of old pains. I’ve noticed that there are always a few more to deal with. However, as I continue the process I find that I get to be an “old hand” at letting go of the past. I can more easily identify what is really bothering me and I can release it accordingly.

Also, it seems that the more I practice, the smaller the matters get. This could be either because of my increased skill, or it could be because the really nasty things that I was holding onto have been let go. Then again, it could be that I have just hit a plateau and the challenge will increase shortly. More on that later.

Just recently, I’ve been making a study of the Sedona Method. I must say that it has been of great benefit to me in explaining some of the underlying mechanisms of how feelings and emotions work. This has been extremely useful.

Living in Harmony.

I work in a rather mentally and emotionally challenging environment. I believe in forbearance, and remaining open as possible when dealing with people, and this job really pushes my limits I have used different methods for allowing myself to be open in the tough environment: I’ve given myself Reiki to help maintain my balance. I’ve used EFT techniques to quickly let go of the troubling event that just happened, and I’ve used some of the Sedona Methods to help me stay in-the-moment and remain open and clear.

While I learned them in that order, that is not to say that they stopped being used. Far from it, actually. I find that each has a special place in my toolbox, and that each has something unique to offer.

Offering aid to help people wake up and accelerate their lives.

This line comes from my purpose, as does the previous section. While I have found that the methods for release have been helpful in all areas, it is in this one that they shine the most. I recently published the first ebook this site will offer. I had fear, some apathy (mostly just fear in disguise) and all sorts of other things in my way. Yet, I felt that I had something to offer, so I forged ahead. Needless to say, I was successful.

I have become a better member of the blogging community, adding my voice to conversations where I think it will benefit. I can always do more, and I will do more in the future. For now, though, I am very pleased with the progress I am making.

One lesson that I have had over and over is that when I try to be “scholarly” and leave myself out of the blog, it doesn’t work as well. I constantly strive to form a better connection between you and I.

What lies on the horizon.

I had a really weird experience the last couple of weeks. I have had a strong urge to return to my old poison: Online gaming. It really jumped out at me from the middle of nowhere, and it took me quite by surprise.

When I realized the situation, I decided to really open this up and see what is going on. I believed that I had broken the pattern of the online gaming, so why was it coming back to me now?

The answer I found was that this was a form of resistance. I am making real progress in my life on many fronts. More such progress than at any time in the past. This caused me to think back to when I enjoyed a similar feeling in one of my favorite online games. I felt the urge to get back into it and make progress there just as I had made progress in the rest of my life. I’m a big boy now. I can handle it, right?

I am glad to say that I have not returned to the realm of online gaming. It took a couple days of examining and releasing, but I was able to let go of the urge to pick up the poison. One thing that helped was the realization that where I am now and what I am doing now is even cooler than the game, even if the game does have cool spaceships

Now that I am past that hurdle, I find that I have much more strength and momentum taking me where I want to go. This is the second time I have deliberately avoided my poison and received a big boost in return. I think I see a new pattern emerging.

If you would like to read more about how to point your life in the right direction for you, please subscribe to the RSS feed.

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The e-book “The System For You” is now available for download. This book lays out, in a step-by-step way, the systematic approach to learning, using and (sometimes) discarding self-development techniques that I use to find what works for me. This is the first e-book published on Technology for Living and I am very happy to be sharing it with you.

(If you need a PDF Reader, I suggest Foxit reader. It’s fast and free.)

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• Difficult. There’s no point challenging yourself to drinking a cup of water each day.
• Attainable. While difficulty is a must, have an unattainable goal will backfire drastically.
• A reward in and of itself. While it’s a good idea to have a reward for yourself upon completion, the basic idea is that the challenge sets up a scenario by which you benefit directly anyway.
• Slightly outside your comfort zone. If you’re not flexing some existential muscles, you aren’t doing anything really new.
• Fun. If you can’t find a way to enjoy the challenge, you’re going to be fighting yourself the entire way.

Obviously a thorny problem. I had done some challenges before, such as giving up soda, and a challenge wherein I listened to a Paraliminal at least once per day. Both provided big boosts in their time, and I enjoy the benefits to this day.

As I write, I find that I keep running into two problems personally: Insufficient system requirements for my goals, and inner resistance. Particularly to anything that I know will benefit me. Upon closer inspection, I realized that they are two sides of the same coin: The resistance prevents me from building myself up to what I can be. It keeps me from acknowledging and accepting all of my resources and capabilities, internal and external.

One example of this recently is the Blogger’s Promise (link in the badge at right) I made a while back. I’ve been trying to add my voice to the ongoing conversation, but I find that I keep getting bogged down in small stuff.

At the same time, while I have been better at meditating, I haven’t been able to make a genuine practice out of it.

The challenge.

So, my challenge is going to follow the 30-day format. I am going to move on two different fronts, both will have a practical benefit and a secondary one. For 30 days I am going to engage in a meditation practice (Acceptable options are the Sonic Access meditations, the Quantum Light Breath, or unassisted meditation), and I will make good on the Blogging Promise:

• I will be sure to comment on other Blogs if I can add to the conversation.
• I will respond to comments on my own Blog.
• I will acknowledge any links to my Blog with a comment on the linker’s Blog.
• I will continue to link to other Blogs that are pertinent to a posts content.
• I will once again be a part of the Blogging Community.

Each day, I will see to it that I am meeting each point as well as seeing to it that I am meditating. As a measure of accountability, I will be including a tag at the bottom of each post during the challenge showing the progress. The benefits of meditating are well known, but one specific reason for me is the exercise of discipline. The other results will also be welcome. As for the blogging promise, the benefits will be that I become a better blogger and as such, will become better at serving you, the reader. This blog is a labor of love and so I want it to be the best that it can.

I’d like to express my gratitude to everyone who submitted ideas for the challenge. I wouldn’t have arrived at this one without them.

If you would like to read more about how to clear the path to success, please subscribe to the RSS feed.

***The November 2007 Challenge***

This is the badge for my two goals. There are two “points”: One for each piece of the challenge. The challenge begins today, 11-9-2007 and ends 12-9-2007. Comments, suggestions, and feedback welcome!

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Even a man who loves special effects and has done some serious pioneering of them agrees:

“A special effect is a tool, a means of telling a story. A special effect without a story is a pretty boring thing.”
– George Lucas

What does all this have to do with living your life? Simple:

Recognizing Special Effects.

When you look at your life as a story, you can imagine it in any number of formats: Classic myths, novels, plays. In our culture, we’re most likely to identify with a movie so let’s work with that a bit.

If we accept this premise, then it’s time to ask ourselves: Are we paying attention to the special effects, or the story? We’ve all done it. We go to the latest-and-greatest film and we pay more attention to how the movie was made than the story itself. We remain detached and don’t immerse ourselves in the experience. Thus, the question of where our focus lies is important because if we are focusing on the special effects to the exclusion of the plot or character development, then we might find ourselves rather disappointed with the movie-going experience. If, however, we relax and let the special effects support the story we might get more enjoyment out of them.

Spotting the difference.

To explain a bit of what I’m talking about, let me just set a scene from one of Lucas’s best efforts: Star Wars (Episode 4).

The hero is in his x-wing racing towards his target. He is looking at a targeting device, when he hears the voice of his mentor urging him to enter a state of flow, and act from his inner power. The hero turns off the device as the terrain speeds by. The bad guy has just been taken out by the unlikely heroic rogue. The hero takes his shot, and aims true. The enemy threat explodes spectacularly.

Special effects? Lots and lots of them. If you were to pay attention to each one, you couldn’t begin to pay attention to the story. Yet each is woven so as to support the story, not replace it.

Let me set another scene from earlier in the same movie:

Picture the humans and the wookie being compressed in the trash compactor. The score is tense, and heavy. The walls are being pushed in. One of them tries communicating with the droids, but there are problems. With time running out, the droids pull off a last-minute victory, shutting down the reactor. The music goes silent as the tension breaks.

Not quite what you were thinking when I said “special effects”? Perhaps not. The contracting walls were technically a special effect, but obviously I wanted to demonstrate the effect of the musical score on the storyline. Some of the most tense, playful, joyous, heartrending moments in film are as memorable as they are because of the accompanying score. How about the playful “Westbound and Down” from Smokey and the Bandit? Or the infamous strings of Psycho? As with special effects, the music is supposed to support the story, not replace it.

How it applies.

Let’s take this and apply it to the story of you: When you look at your life as a story, you can see elements here and there that act as score or special effects. You can see themes of triumph, or times of quiet solitude. Imagine if you were a filmmaker how you would represent this scene or that scene. Would the music be wistful? Heavy? Would you use a flashy special effect, or something more subdued?

As you spend time in this exercise, you can begin to notice times when you’ve focused on the special effects or the score, rather than the story. What do to, you say? Improve the writing! Here’s a few basic ideas to fire up your creative juices:

1. Character Development. Look at the characters in your story. If you’d like to develop them more, do it! It’s your story. If you want your character to be more three-dimensional, then spend some time on introspection. If you’d like to add more characters or simply develop them more, then spend the time to get to know people.
2. Add more plot elements. Like I said in “What are you waiting for“, there’s not much point in living your life on half power. Live your life. Take on a project, or a mission. Find your purpose and then work towards it. Do something, but don’t ever let yourself be bored by your own story.
3. When all else fails (or perhaps before), add some comic relief. Don’t forget to laugh. Take the time to appreciate the humor of life. The old advice of not waiting until later to laugh over a difficult situation rings very true. Not too long ago I had a good laugh when I realized that I wasn’t able to outsmart a small piece of metal. I had bent all my abilities to solving a problem, but ultimately a piece of sheet metal prevented me from completing a small project. When I stepped back to look at it, I found it hilarious. It gets much easier when you can look at your life as a story. It’s funny, so laugh it up already!

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When I look back, I figure that it was the day that I truly assumed the mantle of husband. Not my wedding day. That didn’t require bravery, just nerves of steel. I have a loved relative (who shall remain nameless). This relative has been relying on me, in various degrees, for much of my life. So much so that it started to eat into my marriage. This marriage is still rather new (2nd year anniversary next month!), but was newer yet when this happened.

The Relative produces a bad reaction in my wife. A veritable living poison, using our definition. But this relative was always calling on me for a bail out or as a chronic mental/emotional anchor. I was used to this, and had been operating this way for some time. What I didn’t realize was the terrible toll it was having on my lovely Summer. I slowly realized that while neither my wife nor the relative had issued an ultimatum, I was faced with one none-the-less. Do I continue to give my time and energy to the relative and endanger the wellbeing of Summer, or do I make my wife the priority and lovingly explain that as a married man I have a responsibility to her first?

Breaking out of a lifetime pattern isn’t exactly fun or easy. Add to that the fact that the relative had health issues as well, and my stress level was pretty high. For all I knew, dropping this news might send the relative to the hospital. Yet, for all the complexities, the choice before me was simple: Do I look after my wife, or not?

It wasn’t easy. For any of us. But I acted to remove the influence of the relative for a while, to generate space. Tears and guilt trips would not deter me. Much to my astonishment and (very very slight) chagrin, removing the influence of the relative, and the consequent domestic felicity did wonders for my energy level and state of being. I slowly came to realize that not only was the relative poisonous to my lovely wife, but was actually toxic to me in large doses.

After the space had been generated, I took steps to limit the dosage so that I could still have an open line of communication with the relative, but not wind up putting myself or my wife in peril.

Not glamorous. Not flashy. I didn’t save people from a burning building. I didn’t dive into icy waters. I didn’t trek through dangerous terrain to bring medicine. I did my duty as a husband and protected my wonderful wife. And I couldn’t be more proud.

Enough about me. How about you, Titus-Armand? How about you, Mark Lapierre? I’d enjoy hearing your accomplishments of bravery.

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