Of all the sneaky types of resistance, this one is often the least recognized. In a way, you could say that it’s built in. One might even go so far as to say that our society is built on it.
How often have you seen an ad either suggesting or outright telling you that without their product, you will never be enough. You’ll never know happiness, or be complete without Brand X Product. This is especially obvious in the marketing tactics used on kids, and on beauty products, but you see it everywhere.
(A quick note here: I’m not against doing business, or selling products. I think that presenting solutions to problems for people is a great thing to do. I also think that it is entirely ethical to paint the best realistic painting for what you are presenting. My “beef” here is that when you imply that the people themselves are the problem, a line has been crossed. Not the only line you can cross, but the only one concerned with this topic.)
Self-pity and self-loathing are two sides of the same coin. Much like Jealousy, the basic idea is that you are somehow not enough. That’s easy to see with self-loathing, but self-pity is trickier.
My first look at self-pity.
When I was first told that I was feeling sorry for myself, I was confused and angered by the statement. I knew what feeling sorry for someone felt like, and this wasn’t it. It felt more like being repulsed by the world at large. Over time, I came to recognize it, and realize that self-pity isn’t an exact term.
I don’t remember what the issue was, but I remember the pattern, because I found it over and over again. First, I’d feel incomplete for some reason. It could be thinking that I needed something or an event to be complete. Or it could be that something “bad” had happened to me, and that event had made me less-than-whole. I felt cheated. I had lost on unfair terms in life. It’s not my fault, I blame some external force. All the while, I’d be waiting for some force outside myself to come in and “fix” it.
The pattern may look familiar. Self-loathing is much the same except for the fact that instead of being repulsed by the world, you are disgusted with yourself, because you think that your incomplete nature is somehow your fault. You messed it all up. You are the one to blame for all the bad stuff.
How to break through.
Of all the types of resistance I’ve seen and felt (and I’m pretty sure I’ve done them all), this one seems one of the easiest to break through. Why? When you are busy loathing yourself, or pitying yourself, your blood is flowing. Your mind is working. You are a hurricane in a bottle. If you can just find a crack, you can escape an make big changes around you.
This is why in most cases, giving someone some time to “blow off some steam” usually takes care of it. What if, instead of wasting valuable time and equally valuable energy, you were to break through and use that time and energy to bring what you want into your world?
As with most types of resistance, there are a few ways to work. You can try fighting with it. This one has a few major pluses: It looks noble, it keeps you busy, and you can probably glean some attention from it. This is a good way to go if you wish to keep the present state of affairs going for a good while.
Or, you can try ignoring it. Pretend it doesn’t exist, and push the feelings down into your stomach. Hey, you’ll be up and running in no time. After all, it’s not like repressing emotions skews your world-view or causes health problems 
What I’m leading up to here is (surprise, surprise) letting it go. In the last couple podcasts, I’ve talked about ways to break or dissolve unwanted patterns, and I’ll be covering that more in a bit. For a basic quick-and-dirty technique to break through, let’s try an affirmation, inspired by EFT.
No matter what happens, I accept myself deeply and completely.
Or:
In all circumstances, I accept myself deeply and completely.
You can play with the wording if you like. The important thing is that when that thought enters your mind, it goes to work. If you can feel a shift inside when you use it, then you are on the right track.
If you are already using a more advanced technique than simple affirmations (such as I mentioned in the podcasts or something else entirely) then by all means use them. Remember: The whole point of this site is to help you find and use techniques that work for you. There’s no point wasting time with a technique that isn’t getting results. Along those lines, if any of you have tried-and-true techniques for getting past self-pity and self-loathing, please share them in the comments!
If you would like to read more about how to find use the right mental tools for your toolbox, please subscribe to the RSS feed.
***The November 2007 Challenge***
This is the badge for my two goals. There are two “points”: One for each piece of the challenge. (Living up to the “Blogging Promise” at right and maintaining a good, consistent meditation practice each and every day.) The challenge began 11-9-2007 and ends 12-9-2007. Comments, suggestions, and feedback welcome!
