In my experience, the biggest problem that people have is that they get in their own way. Inner resistance is subtle and tricky. It can take many forms, ranging from a simple apparent lack of concentration to doubt, anger, fear, and everything else we associate with the Dark Side. Each of them are symptoms, but they all point back to the same root cause: inner resistance. (Note: Lack of concentration can actually be caused by many things. But if you are trying to do that big scary thing and your mind seems to wander only when you try moving forward – well, you get the idea.)
Dissection of doubts.
Today, we’ll tackle the topic of doubt. Doubt is our minds saying “I want it to be so, but it can’t be”. You can doubt anything. You can doubt your beliefs. You can doubt that you’re “good enough”. You can doubt someone’s loyalty. The list goes on and on. Doubts are a big problem, because they will stop you from actually taking action.
Often, when someone feels doubt, they will start looking for more information. Sometimes, you can get enough data to overcome doubt. Sometimes, however, the doubt is stronger than the data. If you have the data, but you’re still feeling doubt, then it’s probably a form of resistance. In that case, in order to break the dead-lock you have to realize a few things:
How to get out of your way.
First, realize that while moving ahead or getting out may be decisions, staying locked in doubt is also a decision. Moreover, it’s usually the wrong one. By this point, you’ve gathered the data, and you know what is right for you. To let yourself remain stuck in doubt serves no-one and just messes you up.
Remember, you don’t have to be right each time. In fact, if you can allow yourself to be wrong, you win: You can easily move past your doubt because even if you are wrong, it’s ok. Time to move on. In the “numbers game” you’ll move ahead. It’s a commonly known fact that the greatest achievers in the history of the world could also be considered the biggest failures. It’s a process. If your doubts stop you from using the process, you won’t get to the results. It won’t work in all cases, obviously: There are a few cases (fewer than you’d think) where the wrong decision will have a big cost. Even so, the principle holds. Ask yourself what you would do if it was ok to fail.
Also, you can try to wiggle free of the dead-lock. I may have mentioned it before, but when I have been deadlocked in the past, I’ve flipped a coin. Not to abide by the coin, but to look at what emotions are brought up. If the emotions are based in fear, a sense of lack, anger, self-pity, or whatever, then I know that that is the way to go if I want to give in. If the coin lands and I get a rush of good feelings and doubt, I know where my heart lies.
Last but not least, you can try winning by surprise attack. If you know yourself well enough, you will sometimes get an idea of how you are going to react, given certain conditions. That can be your advantage: If you know that you will be crippled with doubts, arrange the circumstances so that you must move past them one way or another. Setting up a time limit enforced by someone else is a good way to go. Images of Cortez burning his ships also comes to mind.
In the articles to come, I will be exploring other symptoms of resistance and how to cope.
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***The November 2007 Challenge***
This is the badge for my two goals. There are two “points”: One for each piece of the challenge. (Living up to the “Blogging Promise” at right and maintaining a good, consistent meditation practice each and every day.) The challenge began 11-9-2007 and ends 12-9-2007. Comments, suggestions, and feedback welcome!
