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Jenny and Erin tagged me to learn what the bravest thing I’ve ever done is. (Edit: It is part of the meme “What gives you courage?“. I neglected to put a link back to the original.) I had a bit of a problem trying to decide what to pick. At first I couldn’t think of anything that required a whole lot of courage. Perhaps the time I found the courage to walk away from a fight? How about the time I decided to swallow my pride and reconcile with a loved one? Perhaps traveling to meet my new father-in-law (who, by the way, has several different firearms and is an expert in each of them)?
When I look back, I figure that it was the day that I truly assumed the mantle of husband. Not my wedding day. That didn’t require bravery, just nerves of steel. I have a loved relative (who shall remain nameless). This relative has been relying on me, in various degrees, for much of my life. So much so that it started to eat into my marriage. This marriage is still rather new (2nd year anniversary next month!), but was newer yet when this happened.
The Relative produces a bad reaction in my wife. A veritable living poison, using our definition. But this relative was always calling on me for a bail out or as a chronic mental/emotional anchor. I was used to this, and had been operating this way for some time. What I didn’t realize was the terrible toll it was having on my lovely Summer. I slowly realized that while neither my wife nor the relative had issued an ultimatum, I was faced with one none-the-less. Do I continue to give my time and energy to the relative and endanger the wellbeing of Summer, or do I make my wife the priority and lovingly explain that as a married man I have a responsibility to her first?
Breaking out of a lifetime pattern isn’t exactly fun or easy. Add to that the fact that the relative had health issues as well, and my stress level was pretty high. For all I knew, dropping this news might send the relative to the hospital. Yet, for all the complexities, the choice before me was simple: Do I look after my wife, or not?
It wasn’t easy. For any of us. But I acted to remove the influence of the relative for a while, to generate space. Tears and guilt trips would not deter me. Much to my astonishment and (very very slight) chagrin, removing the influence of the relative, and the consequent domestic felicity did wonders for my energy level and state of being. I slowly came to realize that not only was the relative poisonous to my lovely wife, but was actually toxic to me in large doses.
After the space had been generated, I took steps to limit the dosage so that I could still have an open line of communication with the relative, but not wind up putting myself or my wife in peril.
Not glamorous. Not flashy. I didn’t save people from a burning building. I didn’t dive into icy waters. I didn’t trek through dangerous terrain to bring medicine. I did my duty as a husband and protected my wonderful wife. And I couldn’t be more proud.
Enough about me. How about you, Titus-Armand? How about you, Mark Lapierre? I’d enjoy hearing your accomplishments of bravery.
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