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As I mentioned in Monday’s podcast, many of our poisons are self-inflicted. Indeed, perhaps the most insidious poisons are the ones that lull us into accepting the wall of inner resistance and simply leaving it alone. When you are looking for such insidious poisons, bear in mind that they will probably have an element of what you are truly after. Let’s look at a case study: Me.
My story.
As many of you know, one of my more easily identified poisons is gaming, and particularly online gaming. Years ago, I kept lapsing into playing MUDs (text-based online games) and some of the bigger “Massively Multiplayer” online games. In each case, I took it up after I had hit a wall of resistance. I did not realize it at the time, but I have since pieced it together. I would work on myself and my development, and I would hit a wall. Then I would lose energy and direction and would start playing a game as a diversion… literally.
The games themselves offered an interesting glance. I always played a support character of some kind. Generally a priest/cleric/healer of some kind, or a character that could wield magic to enhance his/her allies. The symbolism there is pretty easy. The drive was within me to offer aid, healing, and counsel to my fellow people. Even while being diverted into a dead-end game, the expression of that drive was there. Eventually, it would dawn on me that I was wasting time and effort on something that was doing nothing but sucking up time and effort, so I would drop it cold. I would remember that I have developing to do and would work on it. Until the next time I hit the wall, anyway.
What to look for.
This is basically a matter of looking for patterns. Think of anything that you have tried to do many different times, but each time got sidetracked. Was there anything that eased your distraction? Was there anything that helped you express your drive in a channel that ultimately wasn’t that fulfilling?
When you look for the pattern, realize that it often won’t be as clean-cut as the story I laid out just now. Heck, my own story isn’t that clean-cut. There were some details I left out. The reason I could was because the theme was there. If you can spot a pattern or theme, then you can identify what is taking you away from your path. If you can spot the poisons you run to when you hit a wall of resistance, you will be much better equipped for multiple reasons:
- If you find yourself indulging in one such poison, it can act as a wake-up call. It will give you the chance to ask yourself: Why am I doing this? Is there anything I’m avoiding?
- If you have the strength to push your poisons out of reach, you can tackle a wall with a greater chance of success. The old story of Cortez burning his ships is a valuable one. If you have invested heavily in the outcome of getting past the wall, you will have a much higher chance of finding the courage and fortitude to do it.
- By recognizing your poisons you may find, as I did, that there are certain themes and traits present in them which give you a clue as to what drives and needs are being fulfilled. The poison is acting like a baby’s pacifier. What is is the pacifier really replacing?
Remedial action.
If you do this analysis and you realize that you are indulging in that poison right now, then congratulations! Your increased awareness has now given you the (arguably unpleasant) conscious choice of what you are going to do. The natural advice is to take a look at what need the poison is filling, and replace it with something more in-line with your goal. Ideally, you know what you deep down want to/should be doing. If you have the strength, then drop the poison and go for it. Odds are, however, that you don’t yet have that kind of strength. Don’t feel bad. Just because your strength isn’t available to you now, that doesn’t mean that you can’t go forward.
While the “drop and go” method corresponds the first method for breaking through a wall, you can also try a more subtle tactic by redirecting your efforts towards finding something that won’t run into as much inner resistance, but will still move you in the right direction, albeit more slowly. This would correspond to the second method.
Finally, you have the third method, which entails letting go. This is a high art, and deserves its own discussion, but if you can find ways/methods of letting go of the poison and letting go of the resistance, that will automatically propel you forward because they won’t be holding you back anymore. We are all moving forward with our lives. Dealing with what holds you back will make it all the more possible to accelerate your life.
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