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In my quest for understanding, I’ve explored many different ways of improving my life. Jenny and Erin proposed a challenge which reminded me of something important. One simple tool which is often overlooked is to take a look at what your habits are, and where they lead you.
My own experience with habits has ranged from the “pretty bad” to “excellent” and everywhere in-between. When we are looking at habits, it’s important to note that they can be as simple and subtle as taking a moment in a break in conversation to remember to be open to new ideas, to something as obvious as always going out of your way for an extra stop on the way home and all variations thereof. Allow me to make two pictures for you of how habits (and the lack thereof) have helped me and hurt me.
Case number one.
Picture a man going to the local community college all day and working a low-paying job all night. He’s struggling on many levels. He doesn’t have enough money, even though he should be able to cover the bills. He doesn’t look at his bank account because he lives in a constant state of fear about what he may find there. At the same time, he’s in the habit of buying caffeinated beverages while at school to stay awake. He doesn’t have any good study habits, so his grades, while not bad, are certainly not as good as they could be.
He has vitamins, but never developed the habit of taking them, so he’s not getting anything that could pass for good nutrition. He feels a connection to the Higher Power (insert your name for it here), but isn’t in the habit of developing the relationship, so he’s not getting the inspiration and guidance he might otherwise get. He is, however, in the habit of decompressing after work by going online and getting lost in online games where he gets to be mighty and wise, if only for a short while.
His living area is in a constant state of disarray. Every once in a while he gets up the oomph to straighten things out, but invariably he settles back into the rut. At this point he makes a habit of blaming his work environment, or the situation that is draining him so heavily.
Case number two.
Here we see a man who is in the process of many exciting changes. He is in the habit of checking his bank account every other day, sorts his vitamins/meds so he can take them every morning and night, and has dropped his online gaming habit. He’s been able to shed his dependence on soda, and has even managed to maintain a more organized environment, the only real echoes of the former chaos being his desk and his chest-of-drawers. He has formed a relationship with the Higher Power and is also very much in the habit of monitoring his own mind and self. He makes a habit of watching and then choosing what direction his actions are taking him. He habitually looks for where he is and where he’s going. He’s also been blogging steadily for five months solid, in the face of some difficulties. Something that the man in case number one would have considered impossible.
The difference between the cases.
Obviously, both of the cases are me in different stages in my life. If you are interested in the story, there’s a lot more. But for now, let’s focus on habits and the effect that they have in my life.
I find that while I don’t have many habits, the few that I do have are very strong. On the flip side, I don’t form habits very easily. The old adage of “21 times to form a habit” doesn’t hold true for me. Sometimes it takes only a small handful of times and sometimes I never do acquire the habit I’m going for. One thing that I have found is the level of importance attached to acquiring (or getting rid of) the habit.
My methods.
As I mentioned, I had not had luck simply “getting in the habit” of doing something, or “dropping like a bad habit” that which didn’t serve. One thing that did help was getting to know myself more and getting a glimpse of my purpose.
Let’s take this blog for example. When I determined that writing this blog would directly serve my purpose, I immediately started writing. I managed three posts a week for a couple of months. A large part of me was just waiting for failure, because I’d never launched into anything like that and had it last. Before long, I could see that I was still doing it and decided to go for five times per week. Much to my delight, I took to it with no problem.
When you are trying to drop old habits, or pick up new ones, it is not a matter of simply doing it. There has to be power behind it. The more difficult the change to be made, the more power you need. Imagine riding a bicycle in a perfectly smooth crater or bowl. You can’t simply ride out. You need to gain speed and momentum. As you do, you eventually get to the point where you can shoot out of there and keep on going. If you have an all-consuming requirement to make it happen, such as I had for starting this blog, that can be the equivalent of changing the bicycle for a dirt bike 
I’ve also had some luck by trying to clear out the “noise” in my own mind so that I can better understand my own thought processes. One external aid that I find has helped are the Paraliminals from Learning Strategies. While they are by no means a cure-all, used properly, they were a big boost to help me get moving and keep moving. To go back to the bicycle analogy: They didn’t give my bike a motor, but I did get better traction and handling.
I would say that the most important habits that I have formed are the habit of monitoring my inner world, and the habit of being open to guidance. The two of these have led me in steps to being much more effective. I mentioned online gaming in case number one. As my awareness of self grew, I slowly began to realize that the online gaming was acting like a poison, sapping my time and will and not really giving me anything in return. I dropped it and haven’t looked back.
No matter where you are or where you aren’t, you have the ability to improve. Leaping instantly to the life you dream about would only tear you apart with stress until you have the ability to cope with it. By watching your habits, and making conscious choices about them, you begin to move in the direction of your desire. Over time, the habits you have in place feed into higher-powered habits and abilities, as you gain mastery. Over time, you come to realize that you already have the life of your dreams, you just hadn’t taken notice recently.
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(Thanks to leocub for the image.)
