In our society, we are always looking for who to take responsibility for some great wrong. In America, people will file lawsuits at the drop of a hat trying to get people to “take responsibility”. The problem is that responsibility cannot be forced, it must be taken.
The blame game.
When those lawsuits are being pressed, it is not about responsibility, it is about blame. That is fine, so far as it goes. If an individual or group do something to harm others or the collective good, then there should be a method to balance that. But to confuse that for “taking responsibility” is to confuse the whole concept.
The problem with blame is that aside from being used to try to force someone to fix the problem, it doesn’t do any good. Especially on a personal level where you are trying to live your life. You may be in a bad situation right now, and I would venture to say that for much of it, you aren’t to blame for it. A lot of it “just happened”, or was caused by someone else directly, making them the ones to blame.
So, what good does that do you? How does blaming someone else make the situation better? Right, it doesn’t! Not for a second does blaming someone do anything other than blame someone.
So who is going to take responsibility? You are!
Imagine if you are going along and some stranger does $500 damage to you in some form and disappears. Let’s say it’s damage to your vehicle, for example. You can blame them all you want. But the simple truth is that unless you take responsibility for your life and your car, you won’t ever recover from the $500. If you wait to fix it until you can lay it on the person who did it to you, it’ll never be done.
Even worse, when it comes to the realm of the emotions and your inner world, it can actually be more damaging to you to let the “blame” reaction take charge, instead of taking responsibility for the situation. That doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you or that you have done anything wrong. All it means is that you are going to deal with it.
It’s up to you.
Here’s the nice and simple way to tell whether what you are describing is blame or responsibility. The phrase “up to” is the key for this technique. Here are a few examples:
- Let’s take the auto-damage. The stranger may have caused it, but it’s up to you to deal with it.
- You may have had poor nutrition as a youngster and as a result are not at your target weight. No matter what factors caused it, it’s up to you to reach your ideal weight and health
- You may not have learned how to handle money as a child and are now facing debts and expenses greater than your income. No matter who you may wish to blame for this, it is up to you to learn how to make money your friend and get out of the situation.
- You may have been a social shut-in most of your life. You didn’t ask to be the wallflower, but it is up to you to break out and connect with people
I could go on and on, but in each example it comes down to the same thing. It is up to you.
At first, this can be scary, and can even feel insulting. Why should it be up to me? They caused it! Ah. There’s the blame reflex. Let it go for now. Perhaps they should fix it. But the simple truth is that they probably won’t. So the empowering side comes into play. Since it is up to you, then you have the power to improve your life. The very fact that it is up to you means that it is your actions, not someone else’s that is what is most important.
Step up. Take responsibility, and guide your life where you want it to be, not where it lies waiting for someone to come along.
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(Thanks to thadz for the image.)
