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The time eventually came for me to move out. I had a chance at a college education. I had no real job skills of any kind so I soon found myself going to school during the daytime and working the graveyard shift at a burger place.
This is when I was first exposed to the idea of binaural beats. Working a full time graveyard job and going to school full time left me with very little time for sleep, so I would attempt to use the binaural beats to help me take power naps. About this time was also when I first heard about polyphasic sleep, but it was impractical for my purposes, as I couldn’t rework my schedule to accommodate it as my performance was already suffering due to sleep deprivation.
In order to survive, I decided to stop attending school for now. I realized that the situation was untenable, and I had to choose what I was going to do. The job was very far from an ideal job for me, but I was able to cope… especially since I had to in order to stay off the streets.
Having made the choice, for now, to stop school, I threw myself into the job, since that was what I could affect. I was determined to make the best of the situation, so I decided to start climbing the managerial ladder. About this time I also started a romantic relationship.
Oddly enough, despite my best efforts at work, things kept simply going wrong at work. No matter how hard I pushed, things wouldn’t go the way they were supposed to and I wound up looking bad for it.
I told a co-worker who, it turned out, was a pagan. He asked me whether or not I had been asking for guidance and assistance. I hadn’t because I’d been too absorbed in day-to-day drudgery that I had let my spiritual life wither. He reminded me that help was there. I had but to ask.
I set aside some time for this and I opened myself up. I asked for divine guidance and help. And I got an answer. I won’t describe the details, because that is a personal thing and it just wouldn’t translate. What I will say (and anyone who’s had this personal connection will get it) is that for that brief time, everything was one and everything was perfect. Even these words are a pale echo. I felt a deep and personal connection with the Divine as I had not felt since I was a boy.
My performance at work massively improved. Instead of being lost in the chaos, I was stable and collected. This showed me a sample of what kind of changes I could bring about. However, the external changes were not as interesting as the internal changes.
I had been experimenting with image streaming as a way of accessing the inner mind, but had met with limited success. However, this huge jolt had allowed me my first realization that I could work with my inner world actively. At the time I had no solid idea of the implications of that, but I was able to see the worlds within and around me more clearly.
Not long after this at all I started getting a sense of finality and change. I got the impression that the relationship I was in was not going to work because she was not ready to open her heart enough. I also had the sinking feeling that my days in the job were numbered. This was Bad News: No job = no rent. Neither of these were particularly welcome news items, but there they were.
Deciding to trust in myself and in my newly found level of awareness, I decided to ask that the truth of the relationship be revealed to me. I wanted to find out where the relationship was going. In less than a month she had broken up with me over the phone, saying that she couldn’t open up to me emotionally. Sometimes, it’s really not fun being right.
And so time went on. I worked past the hurt of the break up and continued with my training. Then a disturbing pattern caught my attention: I found that despite my new awareness and the increased focus that came with it, things were going badly at work. I was doing everything in my power to make sure that things went right, but nevertheless I just could not make it happen. As the climate around my job became more and more volatile I decided to ask The Question. I asked my guide, the representation of the Divine I had met earlier if I was going to lose the job, and She merely smiled at me. Once again, not exactly what I was looking for.
After a couple more months, I was moved to a new store in a make-or-break situation: Either I would fly or they would replace me. I was doing surprisingly well. About this time I started an e-mail conversation with a woman named Summer, as it looked like we had a lot in common.
Within a week, my store got an inspection on my watch. The inspection had an unacceptable score. Admittedly, some of the items I might have been able to correct, but the most critical ones were not. I had my final paycheck the next day. My efforts, it had seemed, were all for naught.
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(Thanks to DoortenJ for the image.)
