If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed, or subscribe by e-mail. Don't forget to leave a comment or send an e-mail from the about page. Thanks for visiting!
This tech is an oldie but goodie. You may have been told in the past that when you are feeling like you don’t have any control over your life that you should take charge? Well, there really is something to that. If you feel like you lack control in your life or if you feel like it’s you against the world and the world is winning, one thing that you can do is take some measure of control. In order to be effective, a certain mental/emotional equilibrium is necessary. This tech is good for maintaining that equilibrium after a trying time. If used properly, it can be a springboard to help you not only recover, but be ahead of the game.
The basic technique
Note that while it isn’t mandatory to use the technique, if you make a habit of monitoring your internal state you will be able to find the best time to use it. Generally, the earlier the better. The longer you stew and let frustration eat at you, the more work it is to recover.
Step 1: Recognize the state
The first step in the process is to be aware that you are gathering unwanted emotional momentum. If you feel disempowered, frustrated, or sorry for yourself, now is the time to act. If you feel yourself even heading in that direction, now is the time to act. Once again, early detection makes this tech more effective.
Step 2: Summon your will
This part can be tricky at first. If you are very far along the downward spiral, you may feel powerless to make a change. As long as that is the case, that will be true for you. If you feel like you can’t improve your situation, you can try taking an adversarial approach and make a bet with yourself that the tech won’t work. If you aren’t that far along, or if you have tried it before and it’s worked, then it’s a matter of deciding that you want to feel better. This step (and the tech as a whole) is all about whether or not you want to be or remain a victim.
Step 3: Find some chaos in your life - and bring order
A little chaos here and there is a good thing, but for this exercise, we are asserting control over the outer world as a means of influencing the inner world. As such, the basic idea is to bring order out of chaos. Here are some ideas:
- File the papers on your desk
- Clean up your room/car/house/cubical
- Get rid of junk
- Prioritize your tasks so you get a clear idea what’s going on. (Oftentimes you’ll find that there is less pressing than you thought before!)
- Organize your finances so as to get a clear picture. (Same thing here. The financial picture may be ugly, but if you can find the strength to look it in the eye, that is a huge surge of mastery and control over your environment.)
- Some other task that puts your life in order or makes things more efficient
Step 4: Notice the difference
Wait for this one until about halfway to 75% done. The reason for this is you want to keep going. If you try this step too early you may not get step 3 done. As such, you may wish to wait until it’s completely done. The idea here is to take a step back and see the results of your work. You are bringing (or have brought) order out of chaos. You have made a real and welcome change to your world. As you have made a change to the world around you, the world within you has also been changing. If you aren’t done by this point, you will feel an urge to finish it just to see how good you feel when it is done. One other thing that you may notice: If you are performing some kind of cleaning or other physical maintenance, you may find that the room or area “just feels better” when you are done. This is the direct result of you controlling your world.
Step 5: Return to the cause of the downward spiral
Something happened recently that caused you to head into the downward spiral that prompted this action. Now that you are empowered, and your head is probably a little clearer, you are better equipped to deal with the initial cause. In some circumstances, you may find that your emotions simply ran away with you. In other cases, you may find that this wasn’t the case at all, and that you were wronged. Now that you have taken some measure of control over your life, how are you going to deal with this situation? Are you simply going to give up that power, or are you going to actually decide how you are going to handle it?
Add-ons
What would any handy dandy tech be without a few add-ons? If you have gained some knowledge of your purpose in the here-and-now, you can set yourself up for success by deliberately choosing a task for step 3 that is in line with your goal. You say that your purpose is to treat disease? Organize your study and reference materials, or optimize your workspace to be more efficient so you can focus on your work instead of the tools. You say that your purpose is to work with kids? Make your area extra kid-safe and kid-friendly. You get the idea.
Another neat thing that you can do with this is have a list of such tasks ready-to-go. When you feel that it’s time to use this tech, pick one and do it. I find this simple addition can also be very useful for tackling projects. As the saying goes, a change in task can be almost as good as a break.
One more add-on. Although this tech is usually done alone (as it is your own power that you are emphasizing), you can also work co-operatively with someone. A spouse or other loved one is ideal. The two of you feel that you have been dealt a bad hand? Work together and watch the dynamic between you two work miracles. This has the added benefit of bringing the two of you closer.
Take charge
This is perhaps not as laid-back and contemplative as the other techs I’ve been showcasing here, but it is also very important. As long as you see yourself as a victim, you never claim your true power. If you surrender your power, how can you hope to make of your life what you truly want? The only way “forward” is to accept the power that is within you and use it deliberately, instead of letting others use it for their own ends.
